It's All God

The story started October 1, 2018. Fred and I worked with an organization called Better Together. We would take in kids for a short period of time so that the parents struggling for whatever reason (homelesness, jobless, illness) can get back on their feet. A mom reached out to Better Together via DCF. She had 5 kids and they had been living in the Homeless shelter for 3 months. We could only take 3 of the 5 because of space, but we stayed in close contact with the other home that had the younger 2 so the kids could see each other.

Well, a month into it, Mom decided to disappear and DCF got involved. The kids were going to be put in Foster Care. We were not licensed foster parents, but we had already fallen in love with the kids and hated to see them go thru yet another change in their lives. So we requested that DCF allow the kids to remain with us. We became what DCF calls "Non-Relative Custodian". 

Now we are in November. Mom is still MIA, but Dad has appeared out of nowhere after not seeing kids in over 3 months. So the reunification with Dad started. He was not the 'offending' parent, but he still had to comply with certain things before he could take kids home. That lasted till end of February. The kids went home to Dad. For 5 months our house was busy and loud. Then, it was quiet again. I admit, My heart was missing them, but the quiet home was good too. (and the cats got to finally relax!)

I was assigned as the "Safety Manager" to the kids. Which meant I was to talk to them weekly on the phone, and make a monthly visit to their home. They lived 45 minutes away. As time passed, you could tell they were 'moving on' without us. The phone conversations got shorter. I admit, that made me sad. But that's how it's supposed to be. Fred and I were not their parents. 

Let me take a couple of steps back.... Fred and I are very involved in our church. So while the kids were with us, they became part of our church family. Everyone loved them. The kids had wonderful adult role models. We had devotional time every night with the kids. They had very limited exposure to the Bible, so they were real curious and had lots of questions. Like little sponges, they soaked it all in. Our girl (10) asked Jesus in her heart on Dec. 26th. And our oldest boy (12) asked Jesus in his heart on February 20th. 

Ok, back to the story... Dad was scheduled to be signed off with DCF in August. Several things happened and instead, on October 4th, a year after we took the kids in the first time, we get a call from DCF asking if we will take the kids again. 

I also need to add that after the kids went home to their Dad, Fred and I felt that God was leading us to become licensed foster parents. Not necessarily to take in kids again, but to be a home of respite for other foster parents. Through our experience with the kids, we had seen how hard foster parenting was, and we wanted to be a support system. And I confess, I also wanted to be licensed because deep down, I had doubts about the home situation the kids were in and wanted to be prepared to step in just in case...

So, yes, we said we would take the kids. This time, it was going to be 4. the youngest girl was included. the youngest boy had already been moved to a paternal relative. (he had a different dad than the other 4). We weren't sure how hard it was going to be with 1 more. But we fell in love with her just like we did the others. 

Now we are a month in on our '2nd tour' with the J kids. The plan DCF has is to have the kids go live with their paternal grandmother, who lives in NY. It may take up to 6 months for all the paperwork and necessary background to be done before the kids move. Honestly, we are hoping they are able to finish school here and not have to switch to yet another school in 1 year. 

We love these kids as our own. YES, they are exhausting. there are 4 of them. And they are KIDS. 

I am 54 and Fred is 57. We are NOT spring chickens, lol. Our kids are grown and have thriving lives of their own. We have 2 grandbabies! If someone came to me 5 years ago when we moved to North Port and said we would be raising 4 kids 12 and under, I would have said they had a loose screw. 

But Fred and I have not had one minute of regret from our decision. We know without a doubt this is where God has us.  We get a lot of people telling us 'you and Fred are amazing' 'you guys are so special' 'it's incredible what you are doing'. 

PLEASE let me explain. NO WE ARE NOT.  But God IS.  Fred and I are so flawed. I have a short temper. My tongue gets away from me and I can be unkind. Fred likes his 'time'. He is an introvert. We are NOT equipped to do the work of foster care. But God IS.  He is the one putting words of encouragement in my mouth. He is the one holding me back when I just want to scream. He is the one that gives Fred the desire to go in the yard and throw the football with the kids even when he has had a long day at work and just wants to sit and play on his ham radio. God is changing us. God is working a mighty plan to benefit not just the kids, but us as well. These 4 J kids are our kids. We are a family. A family of misfits, some would say, haha. 

We have no idea what the future holds for us. All we know is that we can't do it on our own. God is running this show. 

He has to. 

My mom died, But God has it under control

The day was Sept. 23rd. She struggled with COPD for decades. But still, we always joked she wouldn't die, she was too stubborn. But it finally got bad enough, she couldn't recover from it this time.
I struggled with our move from Tx last year. I was positive I did not want to leave Mt Pleasant. I was not a happy camper. My poor husband took the blunt of my discontentment. But in the last few weeks, I realized we were exactly in the place we needed to be. God had this under control all along!

First, when we first moved back to Florida, circumstances caused it so Mom had to live with us. Her health was poor, but living with us was not something she would have done voluntarily. She became my sole job. And I was ok with that.

One of the 1st people who welcomed us in North Port are 2 sets of couples. We met them at church, (another blessing). They had already walked the path of loosing a parent to a long illness. They could really say "I know what you are going through" I have found great support from them.

The hospice house (Tidewell Hospice, Englewood) was amazing. The staff there loved my mom like she was theirs. From the chef coming in, talking to mom and seeing what he could make her. To the nurse who knew mom liked Andrea Bocelli and bringing in a CD for mom to listen to it. (it was playing the night she died) And not only did they care for her, they cared for me and my family. Always asking what they could do to help us.

Lastly, my brother and his family were close. AND Stephany was my support. I couldn't have gone through it without her. She came with me to see mom in the hospital, then at the hospice house. She loved on mom the way I couldn't. She has a heart of gold.

So, maybe it hadn't been in MY plans or MY will. But I clearly see how things absolutely worked out. In the last couple of years, Mom would say 'I don't know why God won't just take me'.   Well, maybe she asked Him just that when she arrived. OR maybe she didn't. I am sure she was busy enjoying herself being in the presence of God. :)

I miss Mom. the house is quiet. The first few days, I swear I could hear her shuffle of slippers, the clicking of her walker, even her cough. Funny how some thing you once found annoying are now what you miss.

I hate clutter. I hate disorganization. Mom was a collector/hoarder. She has a LOT of stuff. Fred and I always said we would just load the truck and take it all to Goodwill. I have taken some. But I feel all of the family needs to have something of mom's to remember her by. This is important to me (and to mom). So, I have taken all her stuff and set it out. We have boxes everywhere.

And we aren't even talking about the boxes of papers and pictures. Those we will take our time looking through. Already, the little bit we have found has given us some insight on her that we never knew... It will get done. In time. I want to do it right. The last few days of mom's life, her biggest worry was the pictures and her dolls.  I assured her I would guard them with my life.

I am trying to make sure some of mom's things go to people who will truly enjoy/appreciate them. This takes time. And I am ok with that. See, God is teaching me to be ok. To understand I don't need to know all the details. I may have to wait to see the grand picture. Boy, that is not easy for me.

Another thing we have in the papers we have looked at so far. Mom journaled some. But so far, it looks like she mostly did it when she was unhappy. I guess it helped her put her frustrations and heart aches on paper. It was almost too much for me to hear the things she wrote. But I find that I also tend to journal when I am unhappy. I am going to change that. I need to make a concerted effort to write down the good things too. I don't want my family to go through my papers and think I was an unhappy person. I want them to see how blessed I was, how much I loved.

Fred kept saying to me that I needed to prepare for mom's death. He was worried how it was going to affect me. But I am actually doing ok. Much better than I thought. I have my moments. I still can't talk too much about her without getting teary. But for the most part, I am ok. Of course, then I feel guilty that maybe I shouldn't be ok... Oy!  

I loved my mother. Maybe there were more things that could have been done. But I truly feel I did the best that I could.  Sometimes I get caught in the 'should have, could have, what if' game. But I turn from it quick. It helps no one. Any guilt that creeps in is just a reminder to be better with the present. Love unconditionally to all God allows in our path.
 Another lesson He is teaching me.. Always learning.