It kinda just hit me.
I don't 'hear' her sounds anymore.
But I have been dreaming about her. The recurring theme is that she is here with me and I am confused because I thought she had died. In a couple of them, I apologize for getting rid of an item
of hers. I say "I'm so sorry, Mom, I thought you died" and she would say "it's ok, I didn't really need that anyway" So bizzare, and at the same time, so funny. She would NEVER say it was ok. Ha Ha
Her room is now a guest room. I have several things of hers in there. I still call it "Mom's room". But it has been a place for guests to stay in several times already. I think that's good. We have always wanted our home to be a hospitable one.
We survived Stephany's wedding without Mom. It was a wonderful event,
but I admit there were moments of sadness.
We framed a very pretty picture of Mom. She had a seat front and center.
Mom used to make origami birds. From as far as I remember, she would make them for little kids in dr's waiting rooms, on the bus, wherever... I found a charm of one. Stephany put it on her bouquet.
And there is Facebook. It shows me every day posts from the past. Once in a while one comes and hits me.
Mom didn't sleep much at night. I set up the microwave underhead light to come on every night from 10pm-6am, so she would have a light in the kitchen. We would also close our bedroom door as we are just off the kitchen. I still feel compelled to close the door each night, but remind myself I don't have to anymore.
Even after 6 months.
And last night, I turned off the auto set up on the microwave light.
After 6 months.
This grieving process is a weird thing.
Not really a manual for it.
Everyone deals with it in their own way.