Friday, March 25, 2016

Mom has been gone 6 months

Well, 6 months and 2 days.
                                                    It kinda just hit me.
                                                                                           I don't 'hear' her sounds anymore.          
But I have been dreaming about her.  The recurring theme is that she is here with me and I am confused because I thought she had died. In a couple of them, I apologize for getting rid of an item
of hers. I say "I'm so sorry, Mom, I thought you died" and she would say "it's ok, I didn't really need that anyway" So bizzare, and at the same time, so funny. She would NEVER say it was ok. Ha Ha

Her room is now a guest room. I have several things of hers in there. I still call it "Mom's room". But it has been a place for guests to stay in several times already. I think that's good. We have always wanted our home to be a hospitable one.

We survived Stephany's wedding without Mom. It was a wonderful event, 
but I admit there were moments of sadness. 
A void.

We framed a very pretty picture of Mom. She had a seat front and center. 
 Mom used to make origami birds. From as far as I remember, she would make them for little kids in dr's waiting rooms, on the bus, wherever... I found a charm of one. Stephany put it on her bouquet.
Then came Christmas. Stephany, Jared and Keira came to our house for Christmas this time. When I led them to the guest room, Stephany broke down in tears. It is a time of mourning. It's expected. But man, it hurts. And then, of course, the announcement of a new baby. Mom would have been so happy about that. Especially since it's a boy. I mean, she absolutely LOVED Keira. But it's not a secret Mom was always partial to the boys.

And there is Facebook. It shows me every day posts from the past. Once in a while one comes and hits me.

Mom didn't sleep much at night. I set up the microwave underhead light to come on every night from 10pm-6am, so she would have a light in the kitchen. We would also close our bedroom door as we are just off the kitchen. I still feel compelled to close the door each night, but remind myself I don't have to anymore.
                         Even after 6 months.
And last night, I turned off the auto set up on the microwave light.
                                                                                              After 6 months.

This grieving process is a weird thing. 
Not really a manual for it. 
Everyone deals with it in their own way. 

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